With all the bad that I have been dealing with lately, all the pain of being treated badly by society I forget the things I am grateful for. I want to list these things because I guess sometimes I need a reminder. I need a reminder that I can stop being scared and realize that I am lucky.
#1 My fiance without him I don't know where I would be, I never knew what it was like to be actually loved and to not be loved as a possession. I no longer feel like I am in a cage being beaten if I don't perform well. I don't have to worry about being me and expressing myself. I love him so much.
#2 My family as much as they can and have hurt me at times, since moving away I hurt being away and find myself calling them everyday now. As they get older I get scared of losing them, so I am grateful I have them right now. Also grateful that my nieces have grown up to be smart and beautiful women, they didn't follow in my footsteps and I thank God they didn't. They have taken advantage of every opprotunity handed to them and I know when they are actual adults they will go far and succeed. I am grateful that even at 16 and 17 years old they want to pal around with their Aunt and Uncle and enjoy spending time with us. I am so proud.
#3 My closest friends. I have a few but my two very best friends have always been there for me, even though I have moved away they always make the distance to see me and spend time with me. I get down a lot but they always know how to bring my spirits up just being in the room with them makes me happy to know that they are my friends. One of them has a car that is barely running about to just die at any minute and he still drove over an hour to come to my house and see me.
#4 My kitties, yes I am a crazy cat lady but since I am home so much by myself I get really really lonely. My kitties are always there for me if I am sad and alone if I lay on the couch they come up and nuzzle me a bit and let me know everything is okay. Or the neighbor's kitten that hangs out on my porch he lets me hold him and pet his belly and he literally gives hugs. He makes me laugh how he just lays on his back in my arms and just hangs his little feet just the fact that he is relaxed makes me relaxed.
#5 Having a home, it took me forever to have a home of my own. My fiance and I lived in a tent for a long time no where to go no money and no hope. We finally have a home that we own and I know there are so many people who have no home. I feel like I haven't been thankful enough because so many people would do anything for a roof over their head. People may not like my house because I have cats therefore it will smell like cats. But I clean and I work hard but people are so judgemental well it's my home damn it! You don't like it get the fuck out!
#6 I am thankful that even though I am in chronic pain everyday and am ill from a tooth problem that no one will help me with life could be worse. I could have no teeth or I could have cancer or a horrible disease. The fact that the things I have besides arthritis is curable that makes me lucky. Arthritis I would take over a horrible disease any day, if I were to complain of my issues that would make me selfish because there are so many people that wish they didn't have whatever they have.
Today I have been down, I have called all around my state looking for a dentist who will save two of my teeth and take payments but once again I have been treated like trash because I don't have money. One day I will be something and when that happens those dentists can kiss my ass. I will remember and the dentist who screwed me over who told me I could make payments then halfway through the root canal demanded $900 I'll remember you, and one day that story will spread everywhere. The fact that you were mean to me, the fact you treated me like trash and kicked me to the curb to suffer with an abscess I have had over a year. You will never be trusted again.
I am grateful I am a strong incredible woman and you cannot and will not bring me down and I will get through this and in the end everything will be okay. To the dentist who saves my teeth though, I swear the money I spend on my teeth will all go to you and I promise who ever I see their kids college tuition will be paid if I can help it. Treat me well I never forget and will bend over backwards to help you in anyway even if it is just a professional relationship such as dentist and patient.
Last thing I am grateful for, is finding a amazing doctor who I trust she is just so freaking adorable, smart, kind. The man she is with better love her and cherish her because she only deserves the best in life. She has always given me respect and trust therefore I am always upfront about everything and always do what ever she asks because I know she is always just trying to help. She also always gives me a paper at the end of everything we discussed in the day and all my information which is nice because it makes me feel lucky to be able to see that my chart proves that I am and will be okay.
I hope one day my dreams and hopes come true, I know I am meant for a purpose. So many times I had tried to end my own life and all those times I walked away alive. Now I couldn't be happier to be alive. I think one day I WILL change lives. I will be everything I want to be in my one lifetime.
What I hope for is to have my own outreach program, one for animals and one for people. I don't think anyone should be turned away or thrown away and that includes animals.
I see so many deserted animals that are starving, neglected and unwanted and people leave them to suffer. Well you know what b**ches I want them, and I want them all.
Seriously how cold can people be? Do you think because you have money that somehow you're better than everyone else? Greed is the worst disease. If I had a million dollars, I would hand out money to people who I see obviously struggling, middle class and poor only. Someone has to look out for them.
You can be the richest person on earth, but that doesn't make you rich. Memories and loved ones are what make you rich, as far as I'm concerned I'm rich as hell. These greedy as*holes can sit in their mansions and realize that they have no real friends. When that money is gone, who is going to stick around? That is the question you have to ask yourself.
What is the purpose of owning five cars and a mansion when there are people walking miles to work just to feed their children? It's disgusting how people allow their minds to be ran by symbolism.
Yeah it makes life easier, but no one NEEDS a million dollars. If those greedy people who have ten million dollars gave out five million each hell even one million, the world would be way more balanced out and this country would start to rise again.
Everyone needs to get over their differences and their greed and get rid of their big egos and find a middle ground.
Another issue is education, seriously educate yourself. Our education has been watered down so much and that just makes everyone a bunch of zombies. Yeah you wanted a zombie apocalypse well you have one it started happening thirty years ago. Quit being a sheep and speak up for yourself, fight for your education, fight for universal healthcare, fight for your rights as a human being.
Last little rant:
I am so sick and tired of people getting in debates with me and quote the FOX network, they manipulate as does any news channel. Educate yourself outside of the news. Pick up and read. I am also tired of people going against what they actually want because they are being manipulated by the media and don't understand what they are talking about. They are saying things to scare you and making things up to make you go against what you want. I am so sick of the contradictions. "Well I want healthcare, but Obamacare will ruin our country." Wow people Obama has been trying to give us a step one chance at least for health care with no pre-existing conditions and you all complain about taxes. Well there's the greed again. You can't spare a little out of your check for the whole country to have healthcare. Shame shame.
I swear next time I hear someone complain about Socialism, and not knowing what socialism really is, I am going to yank my hair out.
Yeah my hopes are for people to agree to disagree for one moment and help our country. That is American, join together, forget differences, sides, republican, democrat, and keep our country strong!
She is the most rotten, foul person you will ever meet. I can safely say I have never hated anyone until her. She uses people for her own gain, and then when you either quit allowing her to do it, or you have nothing else she wants she will make your life hell. Literally hell, for me she used me, my family put us all in danger. Then she went and made fun of me about being attacked and told people when I had never done ANYTHING to her. I literally had given this girl the clothing off my back. She will take everything from you she'll try and make you lose your children, your friends, turn your family against you, and fr
She lies, steals, manipulates, takes tons of drugs, and blackmails everyone, and on top of it she will try and get you physically hurt if she can. She tried to send people to my friends house when I was there to jump and beat the hell out of me. Without warning too, no threat, just to find me in the dark and beat me senseless.
I can't explain how much I hate her, and no matter what she finds a way to still damage me any way she can. I moved away to a different town and she is still bothering my family. We are getting a restraining order yet it doesn't mean she can't send people over to my family's house and hurt them or harass them.
I don't know what to do, I wish that she would get arrested and stay in prison the rest of her life. I am so angry, and I feel like there is nothing I can do to stop her.
She is a true demon, absolutely rotten and evil to the core. I feel bad for anyone even being in her presence. I'm so lost, and I feel like my family would have to leave their jobs and move just to get away from her and her evil.
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I finally moved and I feel like life is so much better, and at this point I feel like I can accomplish all my goals. Sometimes erasing old blog posts, throwing away diaries, or whatever else helps me move forward. I have gotten rid off a almost ten year journal I had, and deleted all my previous blog posts. It feels good to start new, and it feels good to feel like I am going to make something of myself.
Previous PostsBeing grateful, posted February 14th, 2014
Hopes and Dreams, posted July 27th, 2013
I can fit the whole world in my heart, except for her., posted July 16th, 2013
Why is it so hard to be kind., posted July 11th, 2013
Starting new, posted July 3rd, 2013
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